Bad Grandad Brings Mayhem To Book Club

Bad Grandad has never been short of opinions, but he has always been short of patience with books. He prefers a newspaper folded into a paper aeroplane, a takeaway menu with large print, or anything that can be used to swat a fly. So when he turns up at the local library’s reading group, nobody expects him to discuss character development.

The club has chosen a serious novel, arranged its chairs in a circle and provided a plate of biscuits. Bad Grandad arrives late, carrying a battered paperback, a thermos and the unmistakable expression of someone who has already decided the meeting is going badly.

For Australian readers, the setting feels wonderfully familiar: a community hall near a suburban shopping strip, a library noticeboard crowded with craft groups and the faint promise of a sausage sizzle outside. What begins as a quiet evening about literature soon becomes another spectacular chapter in the life of a grandparent who treats every rule as a personal challenge.

The New Member Makes An Entrance

The book club meets on a Tuesday night, just after the commuters have rattled home on the Melbourne trams and the last shoppers have left the supermarket. The members sit beneath fluorescent lights, comparing notes and trying to remember which character was which.

Bad Grandad has misunderstood the invitation. He thinks “bring a favourite book” means bring a book that has survived the longest. His choice is a manual for repairing lawnmowers, its pages held together with electrical tape and an old Bunnings receipt. He claims it is a “moving story” because the engine on page forty-two never starts.

When asked to introduce himself, he announces that he has read “hundreds of books”, then quietly admits that most were takeaway menus, racing forms and instruction leaflets. The club’s organiser welcomes him anyway. She has the patient smile of someone who has run children’s story time during a Queensland school-holiday downpour.

A Serious Discussion Goes Off The Rails

The evening’s novel is a grand family saga set across generations. The group discusses memory, regret and the pressure of tradition. Bad Grandad listens carefully, then declares that the central conflict would have been solved in ten minutes if everyone had simply used a group text.

He has underlined several passages, but nobody can decipher the markings. One appears to be a shopping list. Another is a sketch of a dragon wearing reading glasses. A third says, “Ask Nan about the good biscuits,” which Bad Grandad insists is a “symbolic note about temptation”.

The club members try to bring the conversation back to the author’s themes. Bad Grandad counters with a detailed review of the cover design, criticises the font size and complains that the book has no useful map. By the time someone mentions an unreliable narrator, he is certain they are discussing the person who keeps taking the best chairs.

Bad Grandad Discovers The Fine Print

During the tea break, he finds a glossy flyer on the library counter and begins reading the small print aloud. He is fascinated by the conditions attached to a promotional offer, especially the exclusions, time limits and obscure definitions. His sudden interest in rules surprises everyone, particularly after he spent the first half of the meeting ignoring them.

The organiser explains that understanding terms and conditions is often more important than being distracted by a flashy offer, which leads to a spirited debate about advertising, consumer habits and common sense. Bad Grandad nods gravely, as if he has just uncovered a national scandal. Later, the group passes around bonus fine print as an example of how easily small details can change the meaning of a promise.

He then reveals that he has written his own terms for borrowing books. Clause one says the borrower may keep a book until it becomes interesting. Clause two allows late returns if the borrower is “emotionally attached”. Clause three imposes a biscuit replacement fee payable in chocolate.

The Reading List Gets A Makeover

At the next meeting, the club members arrive to discover that Bad Grandad has prepared a new reading list. It includes a detective novel, a gardening guide, a cookbook, a football biography and a repair manual with several pages missing.

He has also added books he believes deserve wider recognition: the menu from a beloved Sydney fish-and-chip shop, a dog-eared guide to Opal card fares and a catalogue from a rural machinery exhibition. His argument is simple. If a document has pages, information and at least one confusing diagram, it qualifies as literature.

The club reluctantly agrees to try one of his choices. The result is unexpectedly lively. Members compare regional expressions, argue about the best barbecue techniques and share stories of books that shaped their families. A quiet librarian from Adelaide even admits that the machinery catalogue has excellent pacing.

A Grand Finale At The Library

Bad Grandad’s final presentation is meant to be a short review. Instead, it becomes a practical demonstration. He has built a miniature library from cereal boxes, complete with a cardboard returns chute and a stern-looking security guard.

He performs every character in the novel, using different hats and voices. The romantic lead sounds like a sports commentator, the villain speaks like a parking inspector and the wise old mentor is portrayed by a squeaky rubber chicken. The audience tries to remain dignified, but the performance collapses into laughter.

When the meeting ends, Bad Grandad is voted the club’s most disruptive new member. He accepts the award with pride and immediately asks whether it comes with borrowing privileges. The answer is yes, provided he returns the books on time. He says that sounds less like a rule and more like a personal attack.

Browse Andy Fanton’s comics, mini-strips and mischievous characters for more adventures in the spirit of Bad Grandad, George vs Dragon, Boo! and Carrotty Kid. Find a favourite strip, share it with a fellow reader and let the next session of your own book club begin with a little cartoon chaos.